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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in hella_mad's LiveJournal:

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    Wednesday, September 28th, 2005
    2:04 pm
    my sociology teacher wasn't there today, so we started to watch a movie. about a ahlf hour into it,t the picture went out, so were all like, sweet, i'm bailing. so that's why i'm here. i guess i should write on myspace, since more people i know are on there, but eh. too public, it's scary.

    i have no idea what's going on, i'm just trying to figure out what i am doing. i went to a grossmont sexual self-defense thing, and these guys talked about how we are taught in this society not to trust our instincts. humans are the only animal that, when it gets a weird vibe, doesn't flee. we tell ourselves that we are mentally above our instincts. that thought has been getting to me;i sort of prize myself on being able to rationalize anything, and now i'm thinking it's wrong. i'm just so not intune with myself. i was talking to korri about my ben situation, and she was like "well, what do you want to do?" doing or getting what i want is seldom a problem, it's knowing what that is .
    Wednesday, June 29th, 2005
    11:24 pm
    wow, i never update. this is a fucking miracle. so since graduation, i feel as though i am cleansing myself of my issues with waldorf. not so much cleansing, no no that would be constructive, but basically getting away from it all. and everyone i know from it. all the crappy dynamics and drama. done done done. i've been doing this huge exhale while attempting to wrap my mind around the fact that i will never have to talk to certain people again if i don't want to. oh fuck yeah. i'm trying to figure out when i will break and call some friends from school. recently, all i've seen or talked to is sugarloaf people, ben, and luke. wow, what variety. oh well, calling people from waldorf most likely involves "hey man, let's get wasted!"oh yes, so my thing.
    Wednesday, March 16th, 2005
    11:30 pm
    You scored as Paganism. Your beliefs are most closely aligned with those of paganism, Wicca, or a similar earth-based religion. You may also follow a Native American religion.

    </td>

    Paganism

    83%

    Buddhism

    67%

    agnosticism

    63%

    Islam

    58%

    Hinduism

    42%

    atheism

    42%

    Judaism

    38%

    Christianity

    25%

    Satanism

    4%

    Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
    created with QuizFarm.com


    why am i not surprised.
    i need to do some work, but i don't know. maybe i should go worship a tree or something instead, i may find that more fulifilling.
    Monday, March 14th, 2005
    1:52 pm
    yay i love the icon cate made me. so cool.
    guess what?! i'm sick at home, again!!! whoo. this morning, i slept in, thinking i could only possibly sleep through main lesson bcause i went to bed at 10. not exactly the case. slept til noon. yet another day lost, only worked 2 1/2 hours this weekend. my next paycheck is going to be like $12. i haven't really been outside or done anything active since thursday.
    sickness needs to die.

    what makes everything in life oh-so-dandy?! i finally finished my latin america painting. only three weeks late, it's cool!!
    Friday, March 11th, 2005
    5:37 pm
    everyone is sick. including me. i heard something like 18 people from the junior class are sick today. crazy shit. i went to bed at 7:30 last night. and i got up a like 10:30.
    i had this crazy realistic dream that ben cheated on me with drew, and that's how he informs me of his bisexuality... "oh yeah, i'm bisexual, so it's okay". yes, that justifies cheating perfectly. i was at cal poly, even though i don't really know what it looks like. the weird part of the dream was i was trying to decide if him being bisexual or cheating on me was disturbing.

    anyway...even though i am sick, tomorrow night i am having a "i heart huckabees "extravaganza! translation: my brother is having some people over to watch, and i am going to be there as well. and my friends can come. and we will probably feed you, 'cause that's the defining destefani trait that has been passed on to joel and me.
    Monday, March 7th, 2005
    10:19 pm
    wow i have too many quizzes...
    but it's okay cause i accompany them with text...right? yay, that's what i thpough. and what i say, goes.



    Your Brain is 40.00% Female, 60.00% Male



    You have a total boy brain

    Logical and detailed, you tend to look at the facts

    And while your emotions do sway you sometimes...

    You never like to get feelings too involved





    wow i am so afraid for next year...everything is way too unfamiliar. i've been at waldorf for...shit...14 years. that's a while, you know? so i got 11,500 today in achievement scholarships at redlands. and they sent a little info dvd, whcih i actually watched. and you know what? it scared me shitless. i mean, fuck, that's so far away from everything and everyone i know. why does AR sound more and more appealing? ah, yes...cause i'm scared of such a big, sudden change.
    Wednesday, March 2nd, 2005
    12:17 am
    You scored as Green. <'Imunimaginative's Deviantart Page'>

    </td>

    Democrat

    75%

    Green

    75%

    Communism

    58%

    Socialist

    50%

    Anarchism

    42%

    Nazi

    33%

    Fascism

    0%

    Republican

    0%

    What Political Party Do Your Beliefs Put You In?
    created with QuizFarm.com


    33% nazi? wow, i'd better dump that jew.
    Monday, February 28th, 2005
    10:49 pm
    today was normal. i had stayed up til 3 the night before working on heitzeberg crap, had the usual dread of math, morning circle chats with cate, got away with not turning in an art project that was already late...the usual, you know?
    fucking PE rolls around. we are playing slaughterball (dodgeball, basically), i don't really participate...i try to get out, that sort of thing. so i throw a ball to the other team to get caught, it gets me out, so i'm walking out and steven throws a ball right at the side of my head as hard as he can(lucky for me, he is really not strong...and lucky for me, i had my hand up to the side of my face). what the crap, that is so fucked up. i was nice right when it happened, assumed it might have been a mistake. but aerika and carmen both saw, told me it was on purpose for sure. god that pisses me off. plus, i had completely forgotton about it, i went and saw ben, and then my parents come home and remind me of it, so now i'm annoyed again. what a child.
    Thursday, February 17th, 2005
    5:47 pm


    Your Passion is Purple







    Sophisticated and classy, you're a bit picky about sex.
    You're more likely to be turned on by a fancy hotel room than a dirty flick.
    Sex is fine enough, as long as it doesn't mess up your hair.
    For you, sex is more about power and favors than actually pleasure.




    i'm so not stressed, and i have so much shit i have to do. like so much. i need stress to make myself do anything. are there stress inducing pills? something that freaks you out? no? damn it, well, whatever. pretty fucking good problem to have, sort of like saying "god damnit, i'm too fucking happy, this is bullshit!" whine whine whine, that's all anybody does...i guess that's what lj is for, isn't it? it's the beauty of it.
    Wednesday, February 9th, 2005
    8:14 pm
    blech, i'm so irritable right now. i can't take it. i'm uspposed to be working on my paper about sexually transmitted diseases in south america, but i haven't started yet. i went to lip sync rehersal, ours should be interesting. note the should. but hey, i get to dress like a schoolgirl AND a cowgirl on friday, so i really have no room to complain.
    right now i'm irritated, i'm broken out, i have constant hunger, and i look/feel fat. i'll be the first to admit it, i'm having some major pms. fuck hormones and girly parts, they can all die.
    Saturday, February 5th, 2005
    4:23 pm
    my hair has been uber-chopped. randomly.
    Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005
    4:35 pm
    Trait . low score high score
    Sociability 67% socially reserved, detached friendly, open
    Aggressiveness 13% mild mannered, uncompetitive predatory, domineering
    Assertiveness 82% introverted, loner controlling, aggressive
    Activity Level 33% relaxed, laid back vigorous, high energy
    Excitement-Seeking 53% sedate, restrained adventurous, wild
    Enthusiasm 93% somber, pessimistic cheerful, optimistic
    Trust 24% suspicious of others trusting of others
    Submissiveness 58% rebellious, lawless dutiful, obedient, compliant
    Altruism 60% selfish, cold, austere helpful, selfless, indulgent
    Cooperation 2% argumentitive, confrontational conflict averse, meek
    Modesty 1% arrogant, self-satisfied humble, unassuming, doormat
    Sympathy 1% callous, heartless empathetic, warm
    Confidence 79% not confident in work confident in work, egoistic
    Neatness 21% disorganized, messy planner, clean, anal
    Dutifulness 95% dishonest, derelict honest, rule abiding, proper
    Achievement 99% lazy, unmotivated driven, goal oriented
    Self-Discipline 38% procrastinator responsible, efficient
    Cautiousness 62% spontaneous, daring, reckless careful, controlled, safe
    Anxiety 13% relaxed, fearless fearful, worrier
    Volatility 12% calm, cool touchy, tempermental
    Depression 5% content, balanced emotional, self hating
    Self-Consciousness 8% confident, assured low self esteem, shy
    Impulsiveness 8% high self control low self control
    Vulnerability 5% resilient, unphased confused, helpless
    Imagination 11% practical, realistic dreamer, unrealistic
    Artistic Interests 75% artistic indifference art, nature, beauty lover
    Introspection 63% not self reflective self searching
    Adventurousness 99% conventional, safe spontaneous, bold
    Intellect 8% instinctive, non-analytical intellectual, analytical
    Liberalism 94% conservative, traditional progressive, open


    Take Free Advanced Big 30 Personality Test
    personality tests by similarminds.com


    oh man, i left school again. wednesdays are not my days, it seems. i FINALLY saw a dermatoligist about my impetigo...who says this whole time, it hasn't been imeptigo. he thinks it's related to herpes simplex (don't worry, kids...cold sores) only for the fact it keeps re-occuring. no other reason. but that does make some sense since i have never spread it to anyone the last 10 or so times i've had it and impetigo is supposed to be uber contagious.
    in other news: wax/bronze class tomorrow!!! yay me!!! waldorf just can't satisfy my artistic needs...
    Wednesday, January 26th, 2005
    2:41 pm
    i only went to main lesson today. i was really fucking tired (hmm i wonder why) and i am now a little sick. so i get home around 10 and sleep until 2. i was so tired and sick that i even managed to fall asleep MOUTH BREATHING. it's a miracle, man (yes, i say man...leave the poor girl alone!!). i need to be productive today, i think i'll go draw this fossil replica australpithecus boisei and finish my drawing of (*snicker*) homo erectus.
    Monday, January 24th, 2005
    4:09 pm
    i've survived the most depressing day of the year (at least mathematically or statistically speaking). fuck yeah. i'm pretty damn happy, in my maddie apathetic state. i successfully avoided turning in all the work i didn't do this weekend without facing any consequences. another fuck yeah. i just got an A on my transcendentalist book and a 39/40 on my biology quiz.
    my guardian angels rock.
    i think i'll go gorge myself, cause unlike normal people i gain weight when i'm happy and lose it when i'm not.
    Sunday, January 23rd, 2005
    3:59 am
    i don't want to go to sleep. reasons:
    *i'm all happy. do happy people sleep? no, i think not. they sit around and smile and be dorky on lj. or maybe it's just me. hmm.
    *my room still smells like fucking foam. i got this heavenly foam mattress cover thingie BUT it smells all industrial. so i don't want to be in my room with the foam, thus making sleep difficult.
    *here's the depressing reason(you knew it was coming...); i don't want to go to sleep because that means i will have to wake up sooner, and tomorrow i have to do all this school work. granted, i probably won't sttart until 5, but still...i'll be stressed all day. and i have to get all this shit done because the quarter is ending on friday. lame.

    but fuck it, i'm happy.
    it's nice to have confidence be seen as a positive trait for once.
    Saturday, January 22nd, 2005
    7:00 pm
    guess what, kids?!
    it's national Don't Pick Up The Phone When Maddie Calls Day!!
    *hint hint (since you now have an lj) ANA!*
    i now need to find some food. cause i'm hungry. and i'm pretty sure i've only eaten twice today. not good.
    Wednesday, January 19th, 2005
    9:37 pm
    there's a shocker...
    cellspacing='0' width='600'><tr><td></td><td> You scored as Pride.

    </td></tr>

    Pride

    94%

    Sloth

    63%

    Lust

    38%

    Gluttony

    38%

    Greed

    31%

    Envy

    0%

    Wrath

    0%

    Seven deadly sins
    created with QuizFarm.com</table>
    Thursday, January 13th, 2005
    11:23 pm
    most mothers want their kids to study. mine excuses me way early (i'm talking 10:30) from school to see a movie i've already seen with the lovely/catty/shallow luke. my mother distracts me from homework, buys me dessert, has me sing with her instead of study. how fun.

    so yeah, i left school after math. there was no need for me to be there. so i meet luke at my mom's store and we go see the incredibles. again. at the same theater as the first time we saw it together. luke may be a looks-obsessed, bitchy cheerleader trapped in a snobby teenage boy's body, but he can be pretty sentimental and sweet without even knowing it. i love him dearly.
    anyway, after the movie, luke dropped me off once again at 9th house. i bought a sandwich at the deli next door...and they all seemed to recognized me, which was weird because i have only met jim. or dave. or whatever his name is(he apparently made quite an impression...)...the guy that owns the place.

    the cool thing about today is managed to get to the gym before 9 for once and i took a pilates class. i am going to pay dearly tomorrow, but that was exciting. and i didn't suck at it.
    back to studying for zoology, oh joy.
    Wednesday, January 12th, 2005
    11:15 pm
    it's official...i have no life.

    1)What time are you starting this? 11:16
    2) Name?: madeline
    3) Date of birth?: sept 1st, 1986
    4) Sex?: female
    5) Height?: 5'9"
    6) Eye color?: gray/blue
    7) Weight?: 125ish
    8) Location?: fair oaks
    9) School?:sac waldorf
    10) Have you ever failed a grade?:no
    11) If you have, what grade did you fail?: just a few math tests
    12) Do you have crush on someone?: i'm not 12
    13) Do you have a bf/gf?: no
    14) What are you wearing right now?:robe, longjohns, tanktop...SEXY!!! oh yeah...
    15) Would you have sex before marriage?: yes
    16) Have you ever had a crush on any of your teachers?: no
    17) Are you a virgin?: no
    18) Do you smoke?: no
    19) Do you drink?: no
    20) Are you ghetto?: no (god i feel so negative)
    21) Are you a preppy?: maybe a little...
    22) What are your favorite colors?: i can't choose when you ask for more than one...
    23) What is your favorite animal?: dog. so original.
    24) Do you have any birthmarks?: a ton, i find new ones all the time, but they are really really faint
    25) Have you ever gotten your ass kicked?: no
    26) Who is/are your best friend(s)?:i don't classify my friends
    27) Have you ever beat someone up? beat up? no.
    28) Who do you talk to most on the phone?:i don't like talking on the phone anymore
    29) Have you ever been slapped?: probably
    30) Do you get online a lot?: too much
    31) Are you shy or outgoing?: depends, i guess outgoing
    32) Do you shower?: once a year, in the spring...you see, the body is a sinful thing, and exposing it to bathe is not what the lord jesus intended
    33) Do you hate school?: i hate waking up for school
    34) Do you have a social life?: yes
    35) How easily do you trust people?: not very easily
    36) Have you ever lied to your best friend(s)? yes, but not recently
    37) Do you have a secret people would be surprised knowing? most likely
    39) Have you ever been out of state?: yes
    40) Do you like to travel?: i love to, but i'm too poor
    41) Have you ever been suspended from school?: no
    43) Are you spoiled?: yes
    44) Are you a brat?: no
    45) Have you ever been dumped?: no
    46) What's your favorite drink?: water
    47) Do you like Snapple?: sure, it's okay
    48) Do you drink a lot of water?: yes, so i pee all the time...i'm sure you guys wanted to hear that
    49) What toothpaste do you use?: minty kind
    50) Do you have a cell phone or pager?: cell phone
    51) Do you have a curfew?: depends on if my parents are neing nazis
    52) Who do you look up to?: anyone who works really hard
    53) Are you a role model?: i guess no, i don't know
    54) Have you ever been to Six Flags:great america count?
    55) What name brand do you wear the most?: lucky
    What jewelry do you wear?: none usually
    57) What do you have pierced?: ears
    58) What do you want pierced ?: i don't know
    59) Do you like taking pictures?: not especially
    60) Do you like getting your picture taken?: yes, plus cate says i'm good at it
    61) Do you have a tan?: HA
    62) Do you get annoyed easily?: i can be a bit irritable at times
    63) Have you ever started a rumor?: one i can think of, but it was true
    64) Do you have your own phone/phone line?: cell phone
    65) Do you have your own pool?: what? no...why do you think i rag my ass out to the gym?
    66) Do you have any siblings?: 2 older brothers.
    67) Have you ever been played?: yes
    68) Have you ever played anyone?: i guess so...it's complicated.
    69) Do you get along with your parents?: yes, mostly
    70) How do you vent your anger?: i don't. yeah yeah yeah, express, not repress...kiss my ass, denial rocks
    72) Have you ever been fired from a job?:no
    73) Do you even have a job?: no, i need one
    74) Do you daydream a lot?: not a lot...okay, yeah
    75) Do you have a lot of exes?: no, very few
    76) Do you run your mouth?: not sure what that means
    77) What do you want a tattoo of?: nothing
    78) What do you have a tattoo of?: nothing
    79) What are your favorite flowers?: i like flowers like i like people...open and honest...daisies and sunflowers, baby
    80) What does your ex bf/gf look like?: dark hair, big dark eyes, thin lips, hairy, around my height
    81) What does your most recent crush look like?: a man?
    82) Have you ever been bitched out?: i don't know, i was freinds with carly...so maybe
    83) When was the last time you bitched someone out?: last time i remember, i bitched out steve for harassing a guy i went on one date with
    84) Are you rude?: not really
    85) When was the last compliment you received?: i don't know
    86) Do you like getting dirty?: in what sense?
    87) Is your bellybutton an innie or outie?: innie
    88) Are you flexible?: sort of...i need more yoga
    89) What is your heritage?: white people, more white people, italians, more white people
    90) What is your lucky number?: i don't know...
    91) What does your hair look like right now?: weird orangey thing, wet
    92) Could you ever be a vegetarian?: i might starve...i could, but i shouldn't
    93) Who are the most important persons in the world to you?:i have choosing
    94) Describe your looks?: weird hair , pale skin, blue eyes, thin, tall
    95) If you had to completely dye your hair it'd be what color?: red
    96) Would you ever date someone younger than you?: i have, but maybe not now...how much younger?
    97) Would you ever date someone older than you?: yes
    98) When was the last time you were drunk?: the only time was like a year ago
    99) When was the last time you went on a date?: i don't know, not since the new year
    100) Would you rather give or receive oral sex?: honestly...just corner people into seeming selfish.
    101) Have you ever given?: yes
    102) Have you ever received?: yes
    103) Have you ever had an eating disorder?: no
    104) Do you have one now?: no
    105) do you answer the phone?: yes...
    106) Have you ever been skinny dipping?: fuck yeah, so much more natural
    107) Have you ever been sky diving?: no
    108) Do you look more like your mother or father?: i guess mom
    109) Do you cry a lot?: no
    110)Do you ever cry to get your way?: no
    111) If you had to amputate one limb, what would it be?: leg because poeple can't tell right away if you have a fake
    112) What phrase do you use most when on the phone? "sorry, what? i wasn't listening..."
    113) Are you the romantic type?: no, but i attract them
    114) Have you ever been chased by cops?: no
    115) What do you like most about your body?: curvy(for a skinny girl)
    116) What do you like least about your body?: that part right under the ass....i mean, what the hell
    117) Who was the last person you kissed?: no one yet in 2005...first year since i was 14...see how long i last,shall we?
    118) When was the last time you threw up?: proably been about a year...i had relly bad stomach flu
    119) Of the opposite sex, do you prefer blondes or brunettes? brunettes big time
    120) What do the shoes you last wore look like?: flip-flops
    121) Do you ever wear shirts to show your belly?: haha, yeah
    122)What about cleavage?: what's that? no, my boobs never touch...ever.
    123) Is your best friend a virgin?: i guess no
    124) Have you ever fucked someone up?: emotionally? oh yeah
    125) Have you ever been fucked up?: like on drugs? no
    126) What color are your underwear right now?: ahah..white
    127) What theme does your room have?: nature
    128) What size shoe do you wear?: 8
    129) How are you feeling right now?: i restless
    130) When was the last time you were at a party?: i don't know
    131) Have you ever given a lapdance? you know, i don't think i have...hmm. interesting.
    132) What do you sleep in?: depends on the weather
    133) Has there ever been a rumor spread about you?: no comment
    134) What is one of your bad qualities?: distant
    135) What is one of your good qualities?: honest
    136) Would you marry for money?: no
    137) What do you drive? subaru
    138) Have you ever given or received roadhead? no comment.
    139) Are you more of a mama or daddy's child?: uh...no. just no.
    140) What's does your username mean?: my name is madeline. it's a play on words. if you don't get it, you're a dumbass.
    142) When was the last time you cried in school?: i don't knwo, i'm not much of a crier
    143) Do you wear Chucks?: no
    144) For two million dollars, would you pose naked? no
    145) What time are you finishing this?: 12:04 (hey man, i was doing other things...)
    10:45 pm
    merry christmas, everyone!!!!!

    oh, oh wait...yeah that's right...it's nearly mid-january...and yet my parents refuse to take down the tree because they say they aren't sick of it yet. how lovely. yuletide joy for everyone...forever. it's a holly jolly january, kids!!!

    speaking of long-lost holidays, i want halloween back. i love/need an excuse to dress up.
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